All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
