Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
