Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
