you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
