Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
this will be a night to untag.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
