Do you still have your period?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
