Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
