from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Two words: blizzard sex
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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