Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
