I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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