Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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