I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
