Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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