So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
