he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I had to cum in my sink.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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