Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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