i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
