youre lurking in front of me
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
