I wish my penis had an off switch
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
