i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
