Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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