I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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