i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
