I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You made out with two different species that night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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