Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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