I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
