Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
