I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
