He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
