? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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