i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
