but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
