champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
