then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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