"it" just moved
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
