Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
