I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
