FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
