you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
