Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
