dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why do cheetos always look like penises
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
