you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
