...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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