Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
