so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
