Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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