We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
