I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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