I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I need to calm my uterus...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
