She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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