You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
