ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
