Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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