I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
