yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
