i just made my gag reflex go away.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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