did you get engaged???
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
