You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
